Discouraged

Today I feel discouraged with my life. I am bothered by the fact that I have spent many years educating myself, only to be tapped out and in debt from student loans because, when I was young, made the wrong decisions regarding my education. Now, I am unable to further my education financially. Yet, the degree I have obtained is not high enough for people hiring in my area. I hate that I have to look for employment that is extremely far away from home, or relocate altogether. I also don't feel that the quality of education that I have received meets the expectations of employers. I am educated, but not educated enough. This means that for 90% of the jobs I apply for, I am either under-qualified or over-qualified. I also feel that these days, in order to get a job, even a low paying one, it is not about WHAT you know, it is WHO you know. In fact, now that I look back at my job history, about 90% of the jobs I had, I was hired because someone got me in there. Now, as far as my career goes, I am stuck in a rut.
At home, I am discouraged as well. I don't like being the one who is always in charge of everything. It would be nice, for a change, for someone else to worry about how a bill is going to get paid, if the house is going to get cleaned (correctly), and what needs tended to. Being a single parent SUCKS. Especially when your children are teenagers/grown, and they are spoiled/damaged to the point where they feel that they should take no responsibility for their actions. I clean up one room, and move onto the next, only to find that the room I just cleaned is a mess again. They constantly take, but they only give when it is beneficial to them. Discipline is no longer an option. That was ruled out when I was arrested for putting my foot down in my house. Thanks to the Police, my children now feel that it is okay to walk all over me, and if I put up a fight, I am displaying "Anger Management" issues and should go to jail.
I have been socially discouraged for years. After putting up with people for so long, eventually, you develop this attitude where you no longer want to be bothered by anyone...even GOOD people. Somewhere along the way, I lost faith in good relationships, true friendships, and ethical people. I feel that people only deal with others in order to accomplish their own desires. Once they get what they are looking for, they disappear. This may not be true, but in my troubled mind, it is how it feels. People don't want to commit to anything long-term anymore. Society is a mess. I have grown to be content with being single. Even if I wanted a man, how can I tell who is real and who is fake? How do I know I am not going to end up getting hurt? Am I supposed to just let my guard down and take yet ANOTHER chance? Hell no! For what? I don't want to weed through the sociopaths in order to find just one decent individual whom I have something in common with.
That's another thing. Not only is everyone else messed up, but I am damaged too. Over the past couple of years I have grown terribly reclusive. I used to enjoy going out, spending time with friends, dating, even talking on the phone. Now, all of these things only seem like another job to me. This saddens me. I don't want to be this way. I feel like I am weird. I don't want to leave my house. I don't want any visitors, I just want to be left alone. This can't be normal. Can it?
If not, how do I go about making a change? One might suggest moving away...far away. Well, that is easier said then done. My family and friends are here. My kid's family and friends are here. I am afraid to drive on the highway even! How does a single person, with children, no savings, and a shitty car, who has been sheltered from the rest of the world her entire life get the strength to just up and go? It would be easier if I were married and had someone to go with. Then, if I fall into difficulty, there will be someone there to struggle with. I guess these are just excuses. Perhaps laziness. Maybe depression...well, definitely depression. I don't know. Perhaps I was destined to be this way.
All I know is that I am in a deep hole that I cannot climb out of. Maybe a part of me doesn't want to climb out of it? Even misery can be a comfort zone. Who knows...